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Monday, September 25th, 2006
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8:31 pm - the times are a changing
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ahh, there is always a sunrise to the nightfall
i got a few good hours of sleep,thanx to a certain someone. I enjoyed it though, and i woke up, and i got alot of my work done, for school anyways. I think ive been doing okay for my schedule, i dont leave much time for me, which is alright, consideirng that time is spent contemplating stupid little things, but i mean, for one tiny breakdown over a four month period of constant pre-occupation with the band, its pretty good. Well aside from that the band is going pretty fucking awesome, there was some drama for awhile, but for now things are going pretty nice, we have a nice band environment, and everybody in it depends on everybody else. It is definitly alot better than expected,at least in my mind. Me and pat worked our shit out, and the rest of the problems just fell into place, ive even been motivated to write alot more, i think i am starting to become more confident with myself, everyone always prasies the shit i wirte, and idk, i think i am finally starting to see, that if i have one gift, one talent that may be it. I wouldnt expect it to all be a lie though.....
Aside from that i dont wish for much else than what i have, i mean, there are alot of things that inside are really sad, and i wish i could change, but ive come to chalk it all upto this thing called life, im never ever going to bitch about not having the thigns i think i need, if i really needed somebody i would have them, if i really needed a parent then id have one, meh, its life, im playing with the hand im dealt, and i just might come out ahead of where i started, for now there is hope
current mood:  studying is a must
current music: ridingawaveofwishfulthinking-AmoraSavant
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 24th, 2006
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10:48 pm
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So I am in the oddest of moods, I can’t seem to put my finger on it but right now, this feels pertinent.
Today at practice we worked super hard and by the end of the night I was so weak I felt like I couldn’t walk, my body had overworked itself, I was so happy to see my dedication was paying off though, I cant wait to see the fruits of our labor.
The fucked up part comes afterwards we walk outside and all of a sudden my stomach seizes up and I start puking, it was kind of sick, the whole car ride home I was dizzy and could idk but my finger on what the hell was wrong with me. I still don’t know what prompted the puking situation. But I no it isn’t good.
Then I get home, and decide I'm going to shirk off homework its not important to me, which is wrong I've been working so hard to do good, so I make a compromise ill do one long ass assignment and call it a day, u no fuck off on the rest, I'm sick, I'm tired, it can wait.
Then I walk in the spare room to grab a disk, and I just stumble across a few photos laying out, they are of me and my dad, and I honestly became filled with some sort of pain something I can’t tangibly explain, it hurts, I can’t explain it without sounding full of pity. But it was killing, just seeing me smile, it was a real smile, I was happy. That’s why ill stay up tonight until my work is done, maybe if I do enough of the right things, I can find what I have been constantly searching for…...
current music: piano song-the format
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| Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
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1:08 pm
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SIT DOWN BITCH
IF YOU MOVE AGAIN I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!
Don't make me wake this baby
She doesn't need to see what I'm about to do
Quit crying bitch, you always make me shout at you
How could you?
Just leave me and love him out the blue
Oh, what's a matter Kim?
Am I too loud for you?
Too bad bitch, your gonna finally hear me out this time
At first, I'm like all right
You wanna throw me out? That's fine!
But not for him to take my place,are you out your mind?
This couch, this TV, this whole house is mine!
How could you let him sleep in our bed?
Look at me Kim
Look at your husband now!
Quit crying bitch, why do you always make me shout at you?
I said look at him!
He ain't so hot now is he?
Little Punk!
(Why are you doing this?)
Shut the fuck up!
(You're drunk! Your'e never going to get away with this)
You think I give a fuck!
Come on we're going for a ride bitch
(No!)
Sit up front
(We can't just leave Hailie alone, what if she wakes up?)
We'll be right back
Well I will you'll be in the trunk
So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wan't to go on
Living in this world without you x 2
You really fucked me Kim
You really did a number on me
Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me
But we was kids then Kim, I was only 18
That was years ago
I thought we wiped the slate clean
Thats fucked up!
(I love you!)
Oh God my brain is racing
(I love you!)
What are you doing?
Change the station I hate this song!
Does this look like a big joke?
(No!)
There's a four year old boy lyin' dead with a slit throat
In your living room, ha-ha
What you think I'm kidding you?
You loved him didn't you?
(No!)
Bullshit you bitch don't fucking lie to me
What the fucks this guys' problem on the side of me?
Fuck you asshole, yeah bite me
Kim, KIM!
Why don't you like me?
You think I'm ugly don't you
(It's not that!)
No you think I'm ugly
(Baby)
Get the fuck away from me, don't touch me
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
How the fuck could you do this to me?
(Sorry!)
How the fuck could you do this to me?
Come on get out
(I can't I'm scared)
(Let go of my hair, please don't do this baby)
(Please I love you, look we can just take Halie and leave)
Fuck you, you did this to us
You did it, it's your fault
Oh my God I'm crackin' up
Get a grip Marshall
Hey remember the time we went to Brian's party?
And you were like so drunk you threw up all over Archie
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes)
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
See it all makes sense doesn't it?
You and your husband have a fight
One of you tries to grab a knife
ANd during th struggle he accidentally gets his adam's apple sliced
(No!)
And while this is goin' on
His son just woke up and he just walks in
She panics and he gets his throat cut
(Oh my God!)
So now they both dead and you slash your own throat
So now its't double homicide and suicide wiht no note
I should have known better when you started to act weird
We couldn't....HEY! Where you going? Get back here!
You can't run from me Kim
It's just us, nobody else!
You're only making this harder on yourself
Ha! Ha! Got'cha!
(Ahh!)
Ha! Go ahead yell!
Here I'll scream with you!
AH SOMEBODY HELP!
Don't you get it bitch, no one can hear you?
Now shut the fuck up and get what's coming to you
You were supposed to love me
(*Kim choking*)
NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED!
BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!
some times marshall just nos how to put things so elequnetly...everyone ive ever loved, somed up in one song. thanks em
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| Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
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12:10 am - nothing too interesting to look at..
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so i never got around to making the other journal, so ill just post stuff up on here that i want to look back at or archive, i guess the past couple weeks have really worried the shit out of me. We played alittle get together sunday night, "little", just a song or two, we havent unveiled our whole ep, the concept thing is so hard for me becaue im writing the story as we write for the recording, and i dont no sometimes creativity can get stifled but everythings been working out so far, as far as the band goes, ive been hiding myself behind it for awhile, but outside of the band my life is falling apart, ha that should bother the hell out of me, i dont speak to my father, but why should i? after almost getting in a fist fight with him the last time he came up, i think im fine ditching the rest of his calls, but he stopped a week or two ago so i think im just about done with that. Me and my mom are working out alot better, no more real fights, mabye thats becasue im only home one or two days out of the week. Again the whole band consuming my life thing, the girl i had, im losing, but it almost feels like i wasnt meant to be happy, that this whole thing, this music, art,writing, no matter how bad it turns out, is a matter of sacrifice. And if i have to sacrifice my heart than i guess thats how it has to be. On a bright note all of my vocal melodies are almost done which is a plus, i think by friday we will be able to play the opening slot and blow them away, i hope. 4 songs with an intro- mabye i can just live in our van, and ponder why i can just have my cake and drink it too,i just feel like there are so many people,(and i no they no who they are) that i miss and i just seem to hide behind all i do to forget them, and alex, what can isay about alex, she is there for me, and i love her, but where do i draw the line and say"we cant do this anymore,i feel like she needs me so much, and gives me no room to need her" i have so many goddamn issues that i cant work out when im involved and she deserves better than me. The all deserved better than me (yes thats subtext for you) oh well all i can do right now is focus on music, the rest of what i care about has been drawn away from me on tides of regret, the days keep coming but i dont no when im going to wake up and realize its too late to mend bridges, i love everything i lay eyes on, i just wish i felt the same way about the whole preconception about love....me, im a joke i hope i get to see the light of all my efforts. best wishes
current mood: i think my feet smell
current music: say anything-every man has a molly
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| Thursday, May 18th, 2006
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4:24 pm
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so the last couple months have been a blur of change and greatness, i thought i should fucking post in this thing because hey its been awhile and i just got out of the emrgency room. but im going to start a new livejournal that talks on a DAILY basis about things that i need to actually keep track of, so if anyone is interested in that, its going to include band info, show dates, new demos, how good im doing at not smoking, my hospital visits, and other pointless shit.. so ill put upa link to that livejournal after it gets all squared away and such, for now just wait for the future. if no one cared but you it would make all the difference, peace and love all of my freinds.
current mood:  in the dirtiest way possible
current music: Enterance of the elected BvS
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| Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
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10:29 pm
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these bitter pills that i thought were hand fed
only contribute to this aching pain in my head
and all the lines cliche in their ryme
contribute to this lonely crime
ill take what i can get
because im assuming this is as good as it gets..
and wishing for an answer
is like praying to your god
the answers never come
but the dream is what keeps this selfishness fun
so ill lay awake in bed
and let these self-absorbed thoughts run through my head
if i quit now i might remember your face
and rekindle that thought
of what it felt like to belong someplace
i miss your arms and the way you lie
but the pain of regret is more than able
to keep me far from the sober stable
if this is what being free means
than lock me up
with no more means of being seen.
another public entry, well i guess the best way to put it is i am lost, more profound in the sense of being lost in how i feel. I have never wished for death, and i still dread waking up. I feel like there is nothing more to experiance, i have had all the second hand notions, it is a replay, all of it is. Its like i keep watching the same autobiograghy in my head, and to say the least the plot never tends to stray far from the moral. I just wishsomething would break me out of this loop...if your out their i hope i find you, before theres no more reason to look.
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| Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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11:40 pm
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ok so im not good at journals at all. i havent written in a long time well not the computer one anyways.
yah its like twelve and im doing laundry i cant help it. i feel like im dying im so worried about it......about my life and us. i cant figure out how to work this fucking washer and i have whites to clean. i wish that was my biggest problem.
amber worried about me today in class, just what i need. i love her to death and think about her constantly and how every time we talk she seems to have some sort of insincere criticism of how im living my life. but ha, now im laughing in everyones face, its like that sux, your still part of that evil fucking machine called high school, but just when i was happy i was above all that pre-life bullshit. some real life comes up and just levels my ass. i wish all this was over, i wish i could take back all the fucking shit i did to everyone say sorry and pack my fucking bags and end this, now that i think about it this should have been one of those private entries.
current music: rape me (acoustic) goBAIN!
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| Friday, September 9th, 2005
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3:02 pm
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get me evrythng about this kid, consider him deceased
current music: all chest will get back with no sequel
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| Thursday, August 25th, 2005
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12:17 pm - AIDS
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so its been like two months oh well,im sik today realy sik, but not just phisicly mentally too, sound overdramamtic it probally is, i dont mind tho...i just feel like mabye im missing something, but i mean reaching for it would onl;y make matters worse, why do i feel the way i do. thier has to ber a self help book called that somewhere. so this morning i get up0 and watch this thing on aids and when these african women get thieir test results back i balled, i never new how serious the aids epidemic is in africa (or around the world), me and someone once had a discussion about this, she had her eyes open beforew i did. but i mean this is like purpooseful, i think i mite want to pursue this, mabye the love that i cant feel intimitly is somewhat of a paradox, thats not what i need. mabye the fullfillment im looking for lies in helping others,i really am looking into charity organizations that need relief workers, its better than every single fuckign person in my highschool who feels they are number 1 and so self involved. mabye i could go for a summer this summer, idk im just definitly pursueing this. its the first thing ive been serious about in a long while. oh and i am thinking aobut getting tested, not becaus im unsure but it just seems contradictory in my newfound interest in the epidemic.
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| Thursday, July 7th, 2005
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12:04 am - bitter and cold
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i suck, it doesn tmatter what i do to release the negative i cant seam to find happiness. ami that bad off thier are other who have it worse but i cant even sit here with out tears..tears of what i no what, i cant love. i cant like. and i cant feel, and i cant forget
current music: they said the cheap lines were theirs for the taking
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| Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
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4:00 pm
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ive been sold out by my best friend for 2.00 (hourly) im fucked in the ass, i hope no one ever asks me to do something for them again
i fucking want to die, because their is nothing i can do to make the situation better for myself, i would rather hate myself, then begrudge my freind.
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| Thursday, June 30th, 2005
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10:10 pm
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well the past week has been more about trying to keep my head above the waves, and i mean for the time being im doing good. well ive had alot to deal with i mean shiat, perry got a whole in his heart and hes moving to new brighton, so i mean wow thast a very optimistic future
i havent talked to any of my friends in a long time, joe fucked me over big time so i mean im nto worried about that, ill let that shit simmer until he calls looking for another ride to my personal hell.
jake and josh are pretty caught up in their own shit, so im not going to even bother with pushing myself into it, fucking good friends. Speaking of best friends jared......basiclly nothing on the burner atol.
the friends i do talk to pity my.. amber and brit said they think i am beter than my current romantic courtships, fancy way of saying sleeping around. and i guess me and kelly have been pretty steady but we alwasy are, i mena she like the only person in the world i can count on in a bad sitiuation.
well i have to go to perrys........to erh......move. thast it lol,im out and lifeless, me and kelly for lyfe, wait for life with no life
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| Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
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1:34 am - lets kill our high for a sec, by taking in a bittersweet taste of reality mmhmm
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FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKERS
well that gets pent up aggression out ok hold on here we need music for the time im going to put in for this post..alright sum god ol psychobily yupp twosceneforyou. "what does it matter if u wear the right gear, if u turn out to be a fool". any way so im feeling better about alot, and not so much about other things, oh well. im gonna focus on the good, it always helps put things into perspective for me, i mean i could bitch about how much i hate where i am and where i feel i am at socially, and hoe secluded i find myself being, but then i would just be bringging the saddness to the doorstep of my mind, i mean the mentality that ican grow as a person should be beautiful enough not to allow my current affairs with others, and state of mind,be affluent to my mood. But it seems that dwelling on the wrong is how i keep myself in check, but it also doenst allow me to appreciate the things i have in the first place, ive been working on appreciating my friends more. its been wonderful reminisciing, or in some cases making new memories, I think it is more or less making the consciese effort as a friend to be their, i mean ive always felt being a friend was important, but now its like now i understand thatr i need them, ive always felt like i can make it on my own, well now i understand i can, but having like the emotional backbone friends cal provide is really a calming thing when u feel like u are in a hole. Well i guess i got my hair dyed..i like it i guess, i dont no im not into the superficial thing (like omg my hair) but i like looking at it so thats all that matters. It must not be that bad, i got the scenster badge of approval, i was walking home from work and michelle lutterman yelled outra window she liked it....so Hott Damn it must be great. Please read into that sarcasm.....well mandie called, it just popped into my head mabye its from the line in this song "where do the monsters go?"ahh unabaited cynicism.
i dont no..to be honest like i was unimppressed. She apologized enough? i couldnt tell u, it was alot of hurt that i just tried to bury, and now she goes and upheaves it all, like i dont see why?, their has to be some motive behind it, im not worht that sort of groveling or effort, their has to be more to the staory i guess. well it seems now that it doenst matter, i told her when we got off the phone "if u are seriously interested in re-entering a friendship call me back in awhile". like in my mind i was like omg mandie lets do soemthing tommrorw hell why dont u drive over here in your fancy car and give me a hug, id fucking kiss you", but i new like forgive dont forget. i would love to jump into that again she made me feel great, but i no if i did right now i would just be like idk living like these past six months or whatever hadnt happened, but that doesnt matter cause she hasnt called lol. So im not sure mabye she justed wanted to make sure i didnt want her to burn in hell. As for the whoring without any reprocutions, it kinda went sour lol.. so i think i might go celebic....or right hand. im not sure it would just make life pretty simple. but i guess thats all for now i guess it wasnt that long of a post. im sorry
current mood: chain me free
current music: nekromantix "dead girls dont cry"-they dont
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| Thursday, June 16th, 2005
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3:15 am
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i hate this town.....we all say it but i am truly feeling it. i got called fag queer boy and tons of other great names, i wish i had friends that showed friendship, not including those that tried to get feelings out of me tonight, i am a shallow asshole i guesss. i am keeping the most precious heart under lock and key, and i lost the will to show how i feel, it is pathetic today i worked came home and went skateboarding in the city park by myself, i dont have the friends i used too, i sat in that fucking park and balled, like cried, and i dont no its like wow mabye i am the fag, as in the word fag being one outkast abondedned and forgotten by all. Ill lose my scene points but fuck all of this shit, im talkingabout not having friends that give a shit, and then being sik and jaded fort he ones that mattter, i owe my heart adn soul to kelly bellin and alaina anlauf. its sik i treat these girls like shit, like they mean nothing yet they mean the world to me. I came home with fucking tears so many for so many reasons...i jsut had one of those nights were you just look back in wonder...what have i gianed from my cruasades, its just like hey "i anhilated myself from all of you" and now its like im so very cold on the hinges of this gold ol scene, like i want to be the one to drop dead so they can see how much this place will eat you alive, almost a martyrdom. i feel like a day without me would be a day less plagued by moral insecuritties, and just one day that richs shit goes untouched i mean i am still thinking about mandie,i am stil thinking about amber, like all these things in my life that once meant the world to me......like someone stripped me of all good.....like all thats left is this plastic piece of shit to mold, when willrich resurface.......when he gets his head out of his straight emo ass thast when
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| Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
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2:01 am - Straight edge can be your fad......but it will never be fucking mine
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Straight Edge
Friday, March 26, 1999
(This is an unedited, uncorrected transcript.)
HUGH DOWNS What parents wouldn’t like their teenager to live a clean, healthy life, swearing off cigarettes and drugs and alcohol? Well, a movement called Straight Edge encourages kids to do just that. Straight Edge sounds like a parent’s dream come true. So why are many people and a lot of law enforcement officials afraid of it? John Quinones has a terrifying story of Straight Edge followers going way over the edge in their passion for what they believe in.
JOHN QUINONES, ABCNEWS (VO) This may look like your typical punk rock concert, but it’s not. Many of these kids are members of a growing subculture in America called Straight Edge. It may look wild and violent, but believe it or not, the kids say it’s all good, clean fun. In fact, so—called "Straight Edgers" don’t even drink. They don’t smoke, and they don’t do drugs. It’s all part of the "straight" in Straight Edge.
JOE, STRAIGHT EDGE MEMBER All Straight Edge is, is a way to live your life better. It’s a way to live your life positive, and it’s a brotherhood.
DAVE, STRAIGHT EDGE MEMBER Like, if I wasn’t Straight Edge, I could just sell out. I could just not be drug—free anymore. It wouldn’t make any difference. But being Straight Edge, I have Straight Edge friends. It’s more of a commitment.
ANDY MAUNCH, STRAIGHT EDGE MEMBER It’s like, what’s so bad about us? We don’t drink. We don’t smoke. A lot of us don’t have promiscuous sex. It doesn’t sound too bad to me.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Not bad at all, as long as you agree with the Straight Edge philosophy. But watch out if you don’t.
DEPUTY BRAD HARMON, SALT LAKE COUNTY SHERIFF’S OFFICE I’ve not ever seen them back down. They will stand and fight for their cause.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Brad Harmon is a deputy with the gang unit of the Salt Lake County Sheriff’s Office. He says Straight Edgers may boast of being squeaky clean and health conscious, but he’s found many of them are nothing more than violent gang members who assault people who smoke and beat up people who drink alcohol.
BRAD HARMON Anybody that would say that they’re not violent has not looked into them as a whole.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) The reality, says Harmon, is that the most militant Straight Edgers are nothing more than suburban terrorists, rebels with passionate causes. Not only are they opposed to tobacco, alcohol and drugs, many of them are strict vegetarians and staunch defenders of animal rights. Police say some Straight Edgers are so determined to prove their point that they firebombed this McDonald’s restaurant because it sells meat. They tried to set this store on fire because it sells leather. And then there was that bombing two years ago, just outside Salt Lake City. (on camera) This is the headquarters for a Utah the cooperative of fur breeders. Its members are farmers who raise minks for a living. In March 1997, police say six young men tied to the Straight Edge movement allegedly planted and then exploded several pipe bombs here, causing almost $1 million in damages. (VO) Authorities called it one of the most violent attacks in the US in the name of animal rights. In all, more than 40 cases of arson, vandalism or serious assault in Utah have been traced to the Straight Edge movement. Police say it’s one of the fastest growing gangs in the state, with an estimated 2,000 followers, about 200 to 400 of them considered prone to violence. (on camera) Are these kids as dangerous as the Bloods, the Crips? Can they be?
BRAD HARMON I consider them every bit as dangerous. We see them carry weapons. We see them maiming people. We see them doing millions of dollars of destruction to business people around the city. In other countries, they call it terrorism. I would say it’s about the same thing here.
JOHN QUINONES They sound like politically correct terrorists.
BRAD HARMON I couldn’t say it better myself.
DAVE We don’t have a leader. It’s nothing like a gang.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Meet some of the Straight Edgers from Salt Lake. Most of them say they’re against violence. In fact, any one of them—Dave, Mark, Joe—could be the boy next door.
MARK You meet a Straight Edge kid, don’t immediately assume there’s some violent hatemonger because that’s not the case.
JOE By no means do we go around acting like hard asses or tough guys.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) But now listen to Andy Maunch (ph). He has a more belligerent tone than the rest of his friends, saying that he gets in fights all the time, but that they’re not his fault.
ANDY MAUNCH I’ve got to die sometime. It might as well be dying standing up for what I believe in.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Andy says he wouldn’t beat up someone who was smoking. But if someone insists on blowing smoke in his face and he can’t get away from him, he has no problem getting violent.
ANDY MAUNCH If it resorts to violence, yeah, then I don’t have a problem with that. I mean, that’s disrespectful to me, and that’s harming my body. I don’t tolerate it.
JOHN QUINONES (on camera) But they have a right to smoke.
ANDY MAUNCH And I have a right to breathe clean air, too.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Who are these Straight Edgers? Well, they don’t have gang leaders, and they remain rather elusive. But we do know that most are teenagers who come from upper—middle class white families. The movement was started in the New York area in the 1980s by kids who were old enough to go into nightclubs but not old enough to be served alcohol. The Straight Edgers, marked by an "X" on their hands, started bonding together. (on camera) But why have some elements of the Straight Edge movement turned so violent here in Salt Lake City? Well, this is the home of the Mormon church. It’s a conservative community that prides itself on family values. On the surface, Straight Edge, with its no smoking, no drinking, no drugs approach, fits right into those values. The parents of Straight Edgers are so impressed with that approach that few of them noticed when some of their kids started taking their cause to an extreme, far over the edge. (Fraternity brothers singing) (VO) Take the night last September when Straight Edgers met these fraternity brothers from the University of Utah. The frat boys say they were hanging out at this pizza parlor when one of them stepped outside and asked a Straight Edger for a light.
MIKE ORTHNER (PH), FRATERNITY BROTHER I asked one of them for a lighter. And they said, "We don’t do that thing. We don’t use fire."
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Within minutes, Mike Orthner says he and his frat brothers were jumped by more than a dozen Straight Edgers armed with brass knuckles and other weapons.
MIKE ORTHNER Right there, I got hit with brass knuckles, right in the forehead. I went down, and then I just tried to push everybody off me, fight back. But it was 10 on one. And three of them had brass knuckles. I got hit in the back of the head with a sword.
JOHN QUINONES (on camera) A sword?
MIKE ORTHNER A sword.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Fraternity brother Ryan Taggart (ph) couldn’t believe it.
RYAN TAGGART, FRATERNITY BROTHER This kid was waving around this Samurai sword, and a couple of us, we were just yelling, you know, "Drop your metal." You know, "We don’t need this." The kid with the sword honestly looked a little crazy. I mean, he’s just waving it around like he’s teasing us with this sword.
MIKE ORTHNER They’re just vicious, you know. It’s like piranhas, a pack of piranhas on me.
JOHN QUINONES (on camera) Were you trying to get them to drink or trying to get them to smoke?
RYAN TAGGART No. No, we were doing our own thing.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) And this wasn’t their first big fight. Several months earlier, an almost identical brawl with Straight Edgers sent frat brother Michael Larson (ph) to the emergency room.
MICHAEL LARSON, FRATERNITY BROTHER And before I knew it, I was being assaulted with a baseball bat. I sustained a few hits on the head, and I was out, unconscious.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Andy and his friends say they were not at those fights with the fraternity brothers, but they know fellow Straight Edgers who were there. And they say the frat boys provoked it.
ANDY MAUNCH I would have helped them if I was there. I would have done all I can to put everyone in the hospital.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) The issue wasn’t smoking or drinking, they say. It was respect. (on camera) But what gives you the right to enforce with brutality your likes and dislikes?
ANDY MAUNCH If someone doesn’t like it, then they shouldn’t be disrespectful.
JOHN QUINONES But that doesn’t mean you beat them up?
ANDY MAUNCH If that’s what happens, oh, well.
JOHN QUINONES You really mean that? What do you think of these frat guys?
ANDY MAUNCH I hate them.
PROF THERESA MARTINEZ (PH), UNIVERSITY OF UTAH Some of these kids are very, very much part of the cause. They really believe that what they are fighting for is righteous.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Theresa Martinez is a sociology professor at the University of Utah who specializes in street gangs. She’s been tracking the Straight Edge movement for the past five years.
THERESA MARTINEZ If you strip away the message, in many ways, this is just another gang. Straight Edge is just another gang.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) The Straight Edge movement has now spread throughout the country. And though it’s mostly nonviolent, authorities here say they are getting calls of concern from police agencies in other states.
BRAD HARMON Most of the time when they go to war or go to battle, they have a plan of attack. It’s just not a quick provoked incident. They usually know that somewhere they’re going to have this occur during the night.
JOHN QUINONES (on camera) They accuse you guys—they accuse Straight Edgers of being thugs.
ANDY MAUNCH They can accuse us of whatever they want. We’re not the ones going around getting drunk, starting fights with people.
JOE Like they say, Straight Edge is so violent. But I mean, here I am, pacifist. Clark, pacifist. Probably half the kids I hang out with are pacifists.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Repeatedly they told us Straight Edgers don’t start fight. Other kids attack them because of their beliefs. And society, they say, either misunderstands or misrepresents them.
JOE I don’t see how people could label it as so wrong when it’s such a positive thing.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) In fact, Andy and his friends describe themselves as nothing less than Boy Scouts with rather impressive aspirations.
ANDY MAUNCH I want to go into law enforcement, eventually become an ATF agent.
JOHN QUINONES (on camera) You want to become a law enforcement officer?
ANDY MAUNCH Yeah. It’s always been what I’ve wanted to do since I was a little kid
JOHN QUINONES (VO) All of the Straight Edgers we met say they’re not gangsters or terrorists. They say they were not involved in any bombings or arsons. Andy, however, comes off like a soldier, a soldier of sobriety.
ANDY MAUNCH Survival of the fittest. If you’re strong, you’ll live.
JOHN QUINONES (on camera) And if you’re not?
ANDY MAUNCH You die.
JOHN QUINONES (VO) Just one week after our interview with Andy and his fellow Straight Edgers, there was another gang fight on the streets of downtown Salt Lake City. Police say about 30 suspected Straight Edgers and another group of kids exchanged words. Tempers flared, and a large brawl broke out. Bernardo Reprenza (ph), just 15 years old was beaten and stabbed to death. Among his assailants, say police, was Andy Maunch, who allegedly beat him unconscious with a baseball bat. The 18—year—old who dreamed of going into law enforcement is now charged with first—degree murder. He has pled not guilty.
ANDY MAUNCH You disrespect someone about being Straight Edge, about being whatever—I mean, if someone disrespects someone about their religion, I mean, that’s being disrespectful you, fight them. They die, that’s what they deserve.
HUGH DOWNS Andy Maunch is expected to go on trial for murder in July. Boy, zeal for anything can be a dangerous emotion.
BARBARA WALTERS When it goes that far. And we have just learned that local and federal authorities have put Straight Edge, along with other groups involved in domestic terrorism, on a list of people to watch closely during the 2002 Olympic games in Salt Lake City.
rich white kids..........i hope they fucking choke on their insincere hypocritical morals
current mood:  fuck you
current music: fuck
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1:14 am
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lainerbainers25: im gon call u tnite hen i toally gone
lainerbainers25 returned at 1:07:43 AM.
Richiscool15: huh?
lainerbainers25: tonight
lainerbainers25: when im totally gone
lainerbainers25: im goin call u up
Richiscool15: why would u be totally gone
lainerbainers25: cuz
Richiscool15: cuz
lainerbainers25: i cool like that
Richiscool15: ar eudrunk
lainerbainers25: no sir ee
Richiscool15: well u sure sound like
Richiscool15: misspelling shit
Richiscool15: and telling me ur gonna be totally gone
Richiscool15: lol
lainerbainers25: i love yu rich
Richiscool15: why dont u call me right now
Richiscool15: ??
lainerbainers25: cuz u don want m to
Richiscool15: why wouldnt I
lainerbainers25: y would u
Richiscool15: yes i do
Richiscool15: because ur my freind
lainerbainers25: oh ok
lainerbainers25: wel il call u lata or u cna daill me up
lainerbainers25: later
lainerbainers25 is away at 1:12:41 AM.
......she spelled her away message wrong too...makes me wonder
meh. whatever her thing is...im nto opne to judge these days, this summer i threw my inhabitians out the window, with such a crappy end to the school year, i new i had to make this summer count.....i bought the new AX7 record....it is fuckign genius
no joke
he trio cd is great too i bought that shit awhile ago tho
today is sucking so far, hopefully it gets better in the morning........i think im going to call alaina in a bit just to make sure she isnt.......well i guess i dont want her to die lol
ok just got this im from her as i wrote this....
lainerbainers25 returned at 1:17:00 AM.
lainerbainers25: juts o u no i aint drunk
lainerbainers25 is away at 1:17:06 AM.
wow...now i really think im gonna hafta call her...and to think tonight i was going to get smoked out fo my mind..thast what being rational does to u,i love it when worlds cry out in sorrow and notice the attrocities we are blamed for, like ash in the wind, the whisper is so slight as to give us the notion of inconsistent murmers of our incomprehensions.
current mood:  alaina better not be wasted
current music: AX7- MOTHERFUCKIN BAT COUNTRY
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| Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
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2:01 am - u thought u new me, your bad
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well its two in the mornign i no im a loser. actually not really i have been up all night jsut reading and writing and this is how i am going to cap it off. Thew hole u never new me thing is a titch cliches so i mean feel free to miss the most important post yet......not saying much fine. FUCK OFF
haha just playing around. I feel almopst misrespresented but in a good way, like someone put this veil of lies around me to make me seem like idk a sketchy person, but i guess it really doesnt matter much considering the friends i have mean the most to me, and the ones ive lost due to stupid incoherent reasons i am definintly sad about but cant dwell on. People who have made super impacts on my life good and bad. take for instance megan evans........oh u think im goping to talk shit oh so wrong of u to assume so, megan was one of my best freinds last summer-fall, we had some intense momnets ill spare u the details but one night we were wasted and criend into eachothers arms, dont think so im sure u could ask her if u had any balls. Anyways well we ended up not staying firends due to changes in life, such as well i guess just growing in diffrent directions. she taught me alot about myself, she taught me about myself, how far i could go into a social situation...to much to explain.
anyway their are also ppl like mandie, who if u no me or mandie, we were like this (&) forever well until acouple months ago. i mean i seriously loved her, not in the frineds way, in the sister way. but then things happened and we let pride kill our relationship, but she taught me how to be an honest person wheather or notwe alwasy portrayed that didnt matter, she gave me models of how to be that person, and for that i have mucho respecto.
now if u think this is about me reminiscing.....dont count on it, u dont no me....aw thats fun to say well i mean i feel like theirs things that affect ppls portrayel of u for life, i mean it doesnt matter what i do or say its not right, like i still get offred togo to parties and get smashed and i quit drinking two months ago.
ppl dont understand pressures everyone has, im saying i have pressures that ppl will never no about, im saying that u shouldnt count someone out before u have finished the book, im saying you cant judge or hate what ucant comprehend. and we do way to much of it. i wish i could take back all the things that ruined that part of our freind ships, i wish we had been bigger people, and i wiwhs i would have been the person i am today then. but alas we are not, and we wont be tommorow what we will be the next day, we are events all intertwined, we in essence decide for ourselves our fate...prefacing any real decision. we cant pinpoint on what day in what month a decision will be made, one that follows u to ur grave all i can do is watch out for ledges, because in life we all die, its just the trip their that defines our story
im sorryabout the spelling errors but if i was writning this for you i would have sealed it with a kiss....u insincere assholes
current mood: whats yuor mood
current music: bitch plz...i am the music
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| Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
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12:49 pm
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oh god this morning i woke up with the head and heart
of a broken winged dove
our feelings replaced with flames and broken thoughts
can tradgedy befall us anymore than our hearts
lets break away
so we can sleep away another day
the sun lost its appeal
when my heart became your last meal
replaced with the dark
where the only reflection becomes
twisted in the moon and meaning less
and i break up my heart to save whats left
of my mind
my sanity
my love
myself
current mood:  if i can wake up one more day
current music: over and out of it for one more plane ride
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| Monday, June 6th, 2005
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12:28 am - well today was a deal breaker
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well today was extemely roller coastery, first i went to see ariel at ten in the morning way to early for rich lol, and then we hung out/did chores, we were getting along as we have this week after the whole rich-break-heartbreak thing, and well tosay the lest we were both in shittyass moods, and idont no we kept snapping at eachother and well at one point i just decided, i cant pretend like i am totally happy so one person can feel even an itsy-bitsy (no not teany-weeny) bit better. so i kinda cracked like all these feelngs i had been having over like the past 8 days or nine just came out fo my mouth, she finally made an effort to ask what was wrong, and my witty yet truthfull mean respone was, du dui du dun dun dah "ariel u are doing a great job of worrying about yourslef, whystop now?" oh yah richs shining moment yahright, so i sat through breakfast with this cloud looming over my head, like sure i wanted to be with ariel, im confused but deep down i no that feeling hasnt toally dissapeared, it cant in one day, but her family is like " oh rich u are sweet as sugar" and actin g like tis this long term thing, which to my dismay i new it wasnt, and the whole brunch ariel kept repeating what i had said outside to me while i just didnt talk i staired at some waffles the whole time, it was so bad. at one point i found myself choking up into my waffle sticks, sad but true, can rich get more pathetic. Then we left and i dro e ariel and cordell home, that kid is the coolest motherfucker around nmo joke funniest kid ever, like at first i wanted to kil the little bastard, he was very obnoxious, but then italked to him on acount of ariel thinking she would make a bold statement by switching chairs when i went to the bathroom, and he was like, "rich they dont no that much about tv in eaurope do they" and the story we were tlaking about (in his book) was in egypt". but aside form that the morning broke my heart. my car doors have permeneant hurt feelings form ariels viscious slams, i no she was making a point (oh im angry) yah i caught it, but my doors didnt do anything wrong, if i have one pet peeve its slammed doors, so cliche.
well then i got home and my mom said i could drive down to the cities to see joe, so my first instinct is too let whoever wants to come, come, so i wne tonthe net and the only person on was ariel, now she had told me that she was going with josh, but since i had four open seats i decided hey even tho we basiclly want eachother dead, well not so much me, but im sure she is pretty pissed about what i said (which is ok i said it to make a point, not to make anyone happy) and so i ivited her if her ride didnt come or didnt fall through, it seemed like the right thing to do, considering it wasnt right to just let someone not see joe because i had a problem with them. or they with me. so i told her and she basiclly at first told me, in essence fuck you im riding wiht josh, which is what i expected, and then al of asudden josh got on and told ariel he couldnt go, and she would hafta find her own ride, sothen shje said that josh couldnt taker her, and did the exact thing i woulda done, which was say ok now i nned your ride, which on my part made me wanna vomit, i mean shit on me and then need me, ironic but its cool i could understand where her loyalties lay lol, so i said yah and then she brought up shianne so i huffed and puffed and said yes, well then i freak out a whole fucking day with the girl who just tried to metephoriclly slit my throat, no thanx rich can pass onthe awkward car conversations.
anyway so i call jake and he can go so im like ok things will work out ariel me and shianne and jake can see joe, no problems, until ariel tlaks to me again, an hour before we are supposed to leave, and tells me she is supposed to be back at six alright lets do the math shall we
leave-4 00
get to the hospital-5
that leaves how long to sit and actually visit joe befor ewe hafta leave
if guessed zero then ur right, so naturally ariel took it out on me that i couldnt change time and space, i felt crushed
and she called and totally just patronized me, i guess life just isnt floating my river anymore
well ok so i just said ok, i need to focus on joey because whatever i can deal with my personal problems later, when is later u ask, when thinkig about ariel doesnt make me wanna cry thats when
so we go down to the cities and yes joey is doing better, he is making a quic and speedy recovery beleive it or not he was tlaking to us (in mumbles) and he was able to sit up, i cant wait till hes better, so i cantell him how cool he looked with big black eyes, he is going to be fine, so everyone u can rest easy he should be fine. Anyway perry is supposed to call and come get me, and courtney is propositioning me, but i feel any intamacy is fucking retarded, i want to seriously crack my head open onthe kitchen floor so icna sort out my shit.
ariel-im sorry, u didnt need to here that, their is alot fo shit besides what u no about, im sorry i wasnt open enoughto tell u those things about me, and it is getting to me, so u didnt need to here what i said today, but for yslef i needed to ssay it, i will take full responsiblilty for it, dont feel bad if u dont think u should, if u do then do. but no always "no mater what i say, i will always love you" u prbally care about < > this much, but it has to be said.
im done for tonight this journal has helped alot, illcheck back lata
current mood: i miss invincible
current music: none
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| Friday, May 27th, 2005
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1:44 pm - im poor, but capitilism is for whores
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anyway, well i am flat ass broke, i dont mind it one bit actually....i get paid today so i guess thats better, yesterday i talked on the phone with amber for awhile last nihgt...i feel much better i had felt like i was feeling like i had lost part of me for like a month because we left the relationship so abruptly........i told her about my little white lie that helped her save some sort of face...well she was angry that i did but i no she needed it. Im glad i can be done with that..it is definitly time to stop looking backi am excited to look forward, i guess its just a new set of problems with each stituations i decided on some death metal for music right now, i guess im getting into more hardcore "i no why u fear me, i no why u fear yourself""i no im a bastard but at least i admit it" yah that sums it up, ive been an open wound for lie what now 4 months and i am beginning to resist everyones infection, its been like misplaced trust with ppl why do we put faith in things that dont deserve our fears, why do we wake up each day with a hit-list, is it an excuse to feel parsay "holier than thou?" im not kidding if any of you at least no what im talking about comment, i mean me and britney were tlaking about it on the internet last night, it seems like we all are just striving to be worse human beings than another person, like a sick inner ugly pageant, lets see who can be more revolting. no. so i guess good moods are the new bad moods, well in my case anyway, can we all just turn around and do a 360, i wish, but i guess a pessimist is all i will ever be.
current mood: fuck off im happy
current music: slipknot "iowa" yupp the whole thing
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